Coming Out While Iranian: My Tastemade Cooking Show Debut

Can you imagine preparing, on camera, one of the most beloved and complexly nuanced/symbolic dishes of your country of origin—while sharing intimate and vulnerable details of not only your coming-out story, but of the subsequent challenges that have come with navigating the world of dating, family, and community as your intersectional queer self?

I was invited by Tastemade to take on this very unique challenge when I was asked to prepare Ghormeh Sabzi, one of the most iconic dishes of Iran (and dare I say the Persian Empire) while I shared stories about my journey as a queer, Iranian, Muslim-raised immigrant womxn.

This all came about when the Director of Original Series at Tastemade read the piece I wrote about coming out to my parents in the 90’s while cooking Ghormeh Sabzi (out of my tiny NYC kitchen) for a couple of queer Iranian friends who were visiting me from San Francisco. See full story here.

He invited me to come to Tastemade headquarters and do a full episode cooking show for a new series called Cooking With Pride, where I would share my stories with host Ingrid Nilson—while simultaneously showing her how to prepare Ghormeh Sabzi.

No. Big. Deal (!!!)

Ghormeh Sabzi is a very traditional Persian/Iranian dish that involves a lot of sophisticated and layered flavors from herbs such as fenugreek, parsley + cilantro; sour + earthy notes from fresh + dried limes (Limoo Amani) and spices like turmeric that meld together in a slow-cooked, savory and verdant stew that is served with a steaming plate of basmati rice.

For me, there was something poignantly symbolic about preparing this layered, complexly flavored, traditional dish on-air while discussing in detail some of the very complex, layered and vulnerable experiences I have had navigating the world as a queer, Iranian-American non-binary immigrant “outlaw” of sorts who came of age in the late 80’s/early 90’s within a tiny, Arizona-based Muslim community that was themselves considered “outlaws” by the larger Islamic communities and countries of the world.

During this cooking show, I share everything from my coming out story-to the awkward trauma around my first kiss—to where my desire has shifted to in terms of the gender(s) and orientation(s) I now date versus who I was dating in the early 90’s. All while preparing a dish that is a national treasure.

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It has been a few weeks since the Tastemade “Cooking With Pride” episode I am on has aired. I have been surprised by the way the Iranian communities around the world have responded to this cooking show.

I have not received any negative or derogatory comments about the fact that I am a very out queer Iranian person who is not shying away from bringing visibility to folx like myself on shows like Tastemade. To me, this is HUGE and a sign that perhaps the collective conscience of the global Iranian communities are much more aware and accepting of the existence of Iranian LGBTQI within their local communities.

What I *have* been surprised by is the number of Iranians who have VERY PASSIONATELY engaged with the brief video clip posted on Tastemade’s Instagram page to proclaim that my Ghormeh Sabzi is not up to their standards and expectations (based on the brief clip showing how the dish was plated and presented on the show).

At first, I felt like I needed to explain to each Iranian viewer who commented that this is “TV” and that I didn’t literally whip up a complex dish that takes hours to cook in 21 minute…and that the finished dish they were criticizing so fervently was prepared by in-house chef/food stylists and shot for TV. Frankly, I thought the food stylist who prepared the pot of ghormeh sabzi for the camera did a fantastic job, considering it was her first time cooking a dish she had never seen or tasted before.

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Once I got over the initial impulse to defend myself and the cooking show, I realized that the comments seem to come from a deep sense of pride and respect for the legacy of the Persian/Iranian culture and history. I was actually deeply moved by how strongly some Iranians felt compelled to police and criticize the way the Ghormeh Sabzi dish looked on air.

I know that for many Iranian families (including mine) who have had to flee their motherland for political and religious reasons, one of the only things they can hold onto and continue to nurture and pass on to the next generation(s) is the magnificent and unique Persian/Iranian culinary tradition.

For a scattered population of people, keeping the recipes and oral tradition of the motherland intact is equivalent to keeping the culture alive and well, despite wars, revolutions, displacement and reinventing yourself in a foreign land with foreign flavors.

I understand and have been deeply touched by all the Iranians (both living in Iran as well as the diaspora) who wanted to have their voices heard and who wanted to protect and honor the spirit of their motherland and history by commenting on the cooking video clip on Tastemade.

This only inspires me to want to create more cooking and culture videos where I can continue to explore and honor the stories, food and culture of a variety of intersectional people and communities around the world. Let us celebrate and keep alive the food, stories and heritage of our ancestors while we simultaneously showcase those individuals and movements today that are pushing boundaries and creating new language, culture and social movements.

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The Art of Creating Community Around a Queer Iranian Immigrant's Table.

This past Saturday, I hosted the second installment of a pop-up dinner party series at my home in Los Angeles.  I was meeting and greeting all the dinner guests when one of them, who was a friend of a friend, asked me what the purpose of my dinner party was.

That question took me by surprise.  I guess I just assumed everyone who had signed up to come to this gathering was looking to have a delicious culinary experience and maybe meet some new people.  As I took a minute to gather my thoughts and respond to his question, I had to dig deep and ask myself what exactly the purpose of these dinner parties are.

A photo of me taken before guests began arriving on Saturday....the calm before the (awesome) storm of hostessing a dinner party!  Photo credit:  Tina June

Although I have made my living for the past 20 years as a fashion/ lifestyle designer and visual artist, cooking and feeding people has been a recurring theme in my life for as long as I can remember.  As with many immigrant families, sharing a communal meal of large platters of food has been a part of my upbringing. It is one of the most significant and accessible ways for friends and family to experience a sense of abundance, even during the most difficult of times. 

In my early childhood, my parents had lost all their wealth and possessions during the Iranian Revolution and had to start over in Arizona with only their talent and determination. I remember the joy of gathering around the dinner table for large platters of buttery, fluffy basmati rice and slow-cooked braised eggplant to ease and comfort us in our somewhat hostile and foreign environment (where our white Republican neighbors were both suspicious of and slightly fearful of us.)

Khoreshteh Bademjaan (Eggplant Braise) I made for my recent pop-up dinner.  Photo credit: Tina June

Later in my young adult life, when I had moved to New York City in the mid 90's to study fashion at Parsons School of Design, I came out to my parents over the phone while stirring a pot of Ghormeh Sabzi to feed a couple of queer Iranian friends who were visiting me from San Francisco. 

Ironically, I had been told that when a woman has mastered cooking this national dish, that she was ready for marriage. In my case, mastering Ghormeh Sabzi gave me the courage to come out as queer.

Ghormeh Sabzi (Persian Green Herb Stew)  Photo and recipe at: Maman's Kitchen

Breaking bread and sharing the dishes of our motherlands became a big part of the underground queer Arab/Middle-Eastern/Iranian/SWANA scene back in the 90's and early 2000's as well.  Long before we had social media to connect us, those of us who were part of these diasporas that had denied our queer/trans existence, were hosting dinner parties and potlucks in our humble apartments and walk-ups in Brooklyn, Queens, San Francisco, Oakland, and many cities in between.  We shared stories of both the positive and sometimes devastating effects of our coming out to our respective families, as well as held space for those of us who were still living in the shadows that we called the closet.

Every dinner party starts with "breaking bread"-- in this case, with the delicious sourdough flat bread of Iran called "sangak".

I moved around a bunch in my twenties and thirties for my fashion/design career: from New York to Minneapolis and back to Brooklyn before moving West and spending some time in the Bay Area before making Los Angeles my home seven years ago.  Every time I start over in a new town, my first impulse has been to build community by inviting folks over to my home for an authentic Persian/Iranian meal.

One of the dill & fava bean rice dishes I made for last Saturday's dinner.  The crust is made with saffron, yogurt and potatoes embedded in the crunchy rice. In Farsi, this is called "Tahdig" which means "bottom of the pot".  Photo credit: Tina June

Building community in LA has proven to be a completely different animal than what I have experienced in any other city I have lived in.  Folks here are over-scheduled, over-worked, over-committed and have to factor in commutes, parking and geography every time they want to make a social commitment. People tend to congregate mostly with others who work in the same field as they do (read entertainment/movie industry).  That organic way in which I have met and built friendships in other towns has proven to be rather ineffective in LaLa Land. 

Table setting I designed for the SAVAGE MUSE pop-up dinner series.  Pictured on the table are some of the "mezze" style appetizers: Naan'o'Panir (the Persian cheese and herb plate along with Sangak bread). Photo credit:  Tina June

For me, creating these SAVAGE MUSE pop-up dinner parties is partly a way to bring together other folks who fall under the intersectional umbrella of mixed cultures, heritages, sexual and gender orientations, occupations and creative interests to come together and break bread together in a visually inviting, comfortable space. 

Guests enjoying the "mezze" style appetizers in the outdoor garden area. Photo credit: Tina June

Later in the evening as the guests enjoy the main feast under the mid-summer night sky.  Photo credit: Tina June

It is also partly a way for me to more fully express my potential as a lifestyle/brand designer, event creator, visual artist and creative director who can create a seamless brand from the menu design to the social media marketing to the table setting to who I staff and what food I cook and serve.  Every aspect of these dinner parties is part of the "Savage Muse" philosophy and aesthetic.

Table setting I designed for the SAVAGE MUSE Pop-Up Dinners.  Pattern-mixing, bold colors and textile prints from around the world are essential to the SAVAGE MUSE style.  Photo credit: Tina June

The menu I designed for the SAVAGE MUSE Pop-Up Dinner series.  I love playing with colors and taking visual design risks!

If you would like to get notified of upcoming SAVAGE MUSE events or read future posts and stories, subscribe to my newsletter at the bottom of this page or click here to send me your contact info.  I hope to see you at a future SAVAGE MUSE event!